{"id":5136,"date":"2017-01-12T11:32:17","date_gmt":"2017-01-12T15:32:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/?p=5136"},"modified":"2017-01-13T12:30:39","modified_gmt":"2017-01-13T16:30:39","slug":"positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"Paternidad positiva: cinco parejas sudafricanas revelan las alegr\u00edas (y los desaf\u00edos) de la crianza de los hijos"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>By <a href=\"http:\/\/www.genderjustice.org.za\/photography\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/\" target=\"_blank\">Sonke Gender Justice<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>In South Africa, as in most countries, social and economic policies continue to reflect and reinforce the link between fatherhood and work, and motherhood and care.\u00a0Providing leave for fathers is one way to encourage men\u2019s increased participation in caregiving as well as a more equal division of household labour between men and women. It can also help to promote gender equality.<\/p>\n<p>Sonke has been advocating for paternal leave in South Africa for some time. South Africa is often viewed as a model for African development, yet we are behind our counterparts on the continent in this aspect. Kenya and Burundi for example offer 14 days, and Madagascar, Cameroon and several others offer 10 days leave for new fathers. A Labour Law Amendment Bill currently with parliament could be the first step toward more gender equal parenting leave in South Africa. It\u2019s the first time paternity and adoptive leave is seriously being considered for our economy. Adoption leave will provide leave for same sex parents too. The proposed 10 days paternity leave, and the other proposals are likely to make it to our national assembly for approval this year or early next.<\/p>\n<p>Five South African couples reveal the joys \u2013 and challenges \u2013 of parenting.<\/p>\n\n\t\t<style>\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 100%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-5136 gallery-columns-1 gallery-size-full'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-1.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-5137\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-1.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-1-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-5137'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-2.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-5138\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-2.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-2-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-2-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-2-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-5138'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-3.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-5139\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-3.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-3-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-3-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Wessel-3-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-5139'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n<p><strong>Wessel van den Berg<\/strong>, 41, Child Rights and Positive Parenting Portfolio Manager, Sonke Gender Justice<br \/>\n<strong>Renee van den Berg<\/strong>, 39, Music Therapist<br \/>\n<strong>Daisy<\/strong>, 3 and <strong>Jean<\/strong> 5 months<br \/>\nLives in Somerset West, Western Cape<\/p>\n<p><strong>Renee: <\/strong>\u201cWe met in kindergarten in Durban. His mom was my kindergarten teacher. He was two years older so we weren\u2019t friends. Years later we played together in an orchestra in Stellenbosch. He played french horn and I played saxophone. I thought he was really sophisticated. We became friends but he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend. The band went to Scotland and we went to the same bookstore. I went to take out a book of William Blake poetry and he went to the same book. There was a moment. He said: \u201cDo you know the Gita?\u201d I said: \u201cthe Bhagavad Gita?\u201d I think he saw me a bit differently after that.<\/p>\n<p>A few years later we met in Kalk Bay. I was on my way to South Carolina in the US to teach. But I\u2019m glad I didn\u2019t go. I was just too in love. That was that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Wessel:<\/strong> \u201cRenee would do five things as a part of her day, I would do one thing \u2013 taking out the trash or washing the dishes or changing a nappy, and feel really proud of it and want applause for it. In reality, you have no idea of the care work that\u2019s being done as a matter of course. It\u2019s a work in progress, I\u2019m not even close!<\/p>\n<p>Sonke offers a month paternity leave so with both Daisy and Jean I took two weeks off and then every Friday for three months. Fridays are a nice time for all four of us to be together \u2013 going to the nature reserve if the weather is nice.<\/p>\n<p>For me the work at Sonke happens in my spare time. I say it as a joke but it\u2019s also true. The carework is the main bit. The paid work is what you do to support the main bit. It\u2019s amazing to have a job that supports this.<\/p>\n<p>When MenCare started at Sonke we went on a study visit to Sweden through Men for Gender Equality. We visited a kindergarten on Daddy Day \u2013 a day when just daddies come with their kids and one or two facilitators to sing songs and play games. I was crying my eyes out thinking: \u201cI want this, I want this for my daughter. Why can\u2019t we have this?\u201d I think we\u2019ll get there.<\/p>\n\n\t\t<style>\n\t\t\t#gallery-2 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-2 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 100%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-2 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-2 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-2' class='gallery galleryid-5136 gallery-columns-1 gallery-size-full'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/positivefatherhood_lindela-3\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-3.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-2-5143\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-3.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-3-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-3-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-3-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-2-5143'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/positivefatherhood_lindela-2\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-2.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-2-5142\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-2.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-2-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-2-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-2-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-2-5142'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/positivefatherhood_lindela-1\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-1.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-2-5141\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-1.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Lindela-1-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-2-5141'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n<div id=\"displayed_gallery_2f04fe6adccda1ae6c263ca9d1aca392\" class=\"ngg-galleria-parent nextgen_pro_slideshow\"><\/div>\n<p><strong>Lindela Mraqisa<\/strong>, 35, policeman and Sonke\u2019s MenCare programme attendee<br \/>\n<strong>Nosicelo Mraqisa<\/strong>, 30, past volunteer for Sonke\u2019s MenCare programme<br \/>\n<strong>Omgeziwe<\/strong>, 5 and <strong>Bukho<\/strong> 3<br \/>\nLives in Gughulethu, Western Cape<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nosicelo:<\/strong> \u201cIf I\u2019m mopping he\u2019s washing the kids or if I\u2019m cooking then he\u2019ll do the dishes and if I\u2019m doing the washing he\u2019ll hang the clothes. So it\u2019s way less work for me. In our communities most people believe that men should just go to friends, they drink, they have fun. They do \u2018men\u2019s stuff\u2019. So when a man is doing cleaning, people think he\u2019s not well, that she\u2019s put a spell on you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lindela:<\/strong> \u201cThere is a change. Just a little bit \u2013 here and there you see a few guys changing. Maybe carrying their kids to the clinic. I see a change.<\/p>\n<p>At the MenCare workshop we learned things like how to make your relationship work. Like communication, listening, sharing stuff. If we do it together it feels less of a duty to do. Chores, washing dishes, washing the kids.<\/p>\n<p>Before the workshop I was involved a little bit, but not much. I could see she had a lot to do. So I helped where I could. Then through MenCare I noticed that even though she\u2019s not working to bring money home, she\u2019s working more than I do. All the day she\u2019s busy with this and that, preparing for me, for herself and I noticed she doesn\u2019t have much time for herself. She\u2019s the one doing the most difficult work.<\/p>\n<p>I was very lucky, my father was very supportive. My mother wasn\u2019t always very well. She was sent to some sangomas to get help and me and my sisters were raised by my father. He did everything for us. We didn\u2019t see that it was not supposed to be done by men because he did everything. We were in the rural Eastern Cape where you wake up very early. He\u2019d make a fire outside, cook the porridge for us then wake us up. Then he\u2019d help me brush my teeth, bath and clothe me. School was far and he carried me on his back for 30 minutes. He\u2019d come and fetch me as well.\u201d<\/p>\n<div id=\"displayed_gallery_208d2c8cd9a2a97400b8ec8a2d9eb7bb\" class=\"ngg-galleria-parent nextgen_pro_slideshow\">\n<div class=\"ngg-galleria-offscreen-seo-wrapper\">\n\n\t\t<style>\n\t\t\t#gallery-3 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-3 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 100%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-3 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-3 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-3' class='gallery galleryid-5136 gallery-columns-1 gallery-size-full'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/positivefatherhood_sisaacs-1\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-1.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-3-5144\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-1.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-1-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-3-5144'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/positivefatherhood_sisaacs-2\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-2.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-3-5145\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-2.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-2-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-2-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-2-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-3-5145'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/positivefatherhood_sisaacs-3-1\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-3-1.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-3-5146\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-3-1.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-3-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-3-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SIsaacs-3-1-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-3-5146'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><strong>Suleiman Henry<\/strong>, 33, Child Rights and Positive Parenting Trainer, Sonke Gender Justice<br \/>\n<strong>Zulfa Henry<\/strong>, 31, Stay-At-Home Mom<br \/>\n<strong>Nafeesah<\/strong>, 6 and <strong>Nawaaz<\/strong>, 3<br \/>\nLives in Manenberg, Western Cape<\/p>\n<p><strong>Zulfa:<\/strong> \u201cWhen our first child was born Suleiman would tell me to go sleep and he would look after the child. He washed her, changed the nappies and would do the dishes. He\u2019s very involved in housework. In most houses that\u2019s unusual. Men think they must come home from work put their feet on the table and ask for a cup of coffee. But that is not Suleiman. He would rather ask me if I want a cup of coffee because he can see that I\u2019m a little bit tired. Sometimes he\u2019s tired and I know I should ask him. We balance the scales.<\/p>\n<p>Since starting to work for Sonke in 2013, he\u2019s learned more and is trying to implement it. Like positive parenting for example. He never raises his voice now to the children. He\u2019s soft spoken and more firm.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Suleiman:<\/strong> \u201cUnfortunately, I do not remember my dad being very active in child rearing activities. He was a man\u2019s man. Fixing things in and around the house while emphasising the importance of providing financially.<\/p>\n<p>I was listening to a lecture of an Islamic scholar where he spoke about the fetus becoming a life from four months. This intrigued me and upon further exploration of the topic I learnt about the interaction\u00a0that can take place between the fetus and the parents. It could have also been the fact that I lost my father at a young age that encouraged me to want to be involved in every aspect of the lives of my children.<\/p>\n<p>For me, being a father is centred around three things: being supportive to my wife, who in all honesty still does most of the care work, (I am still work in progress), spending quality time with my daughter \u2013\u00a0this sets the standard of what she is to expect from other people (especially men), that she will meet in her life and being an example to my son \u2013\u00a0creating new role models for boys that portray men being supportive and respectful toward their families.<\/p>\n<p>Fathers generally want to be actively involved in the lives of their children, so having a reference point also encourage them to do the same.<\/p>\n<p>But it\u2019s not just men who are changing. Many women are seeing the benefits of men being involved in care activities at home. This means that they create the supportive space in their own homes for children to have better access to their fathers.\u201d<\/p>\n<div id=\"displayed_gallery_3647da12f92a8fe43e40fa671d51b9e9\" class=\"ngg-galleria-parent nextgen_pro_slideshow\">\n<div class=\"ngg-galleria-offscreen-seo-wrapper\">\n\n\t\t<style>\n\t\t\t#gallery-4 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-4 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 100%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-4 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-4 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-4' class='gallery galleryid-5136 gallery-columns-1 gallery-size-full'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/positivefatherhood_sk-1\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-1.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-4-5147\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-1.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-1-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-4-5147'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/positivefatherhood_sk-2\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-2.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-4-5148\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-2.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-2-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-2-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-2-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-4-5148'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/positivefatherhood_sk-3\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-3.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-4-5149\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-3.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-3-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-3-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_SK-3-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-4-5149'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><strong>Sikhangele \u2018SK\u2019 Mabulu<\/strong>, 40, Prison\u2019s Project Senior Trainer, Sonke Gender Justice<br \/>\n<strong>Nomfundo Mabulu<\/strong>, 35, General Worker<br \/>\n<strong>Panky<\/strong>, 8 and <strong>Nico<\/strong>, 5<br \/>\nLives in Kraaifontein, Western Cape<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nomfundo:<\/strong> \u201cEveryday SK wakes up at 5.30am. At 6am he starts washing Nico because I have to leave to get to Tygervalley where I work as a general worker. He makes Nico and Panky\u2019s lunchbox and takes them to school. Then he comes home to do the washing and makes sure the room is \u2018number 1\u2019. When I come back from work, SK makes the food \u2013\u00a0something like chicken and pap \u2013\u00a0while I watch TV.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>SK:<\/strong> \u201cMy wife works hard. She arrives at work at 7am and finishes work late and is driving on the road. I can\u2019t say she needs to cook while I\u2019ve been sitting at a desk in the office. She\u2019s doing the same work I\u2019m doing at home, at work. Some people say, \u2018SK, that\u2019s not on\u2019. When my peers come into the house they say this is not our roles as men in our culture. I love my culture. I\u2019m Xhosa, my clan name is Mabula, we are close to royalty. But I say to them that culture is dynamic. Everything that you do should be reasonable. You can\u2019t do something just because of culture.<\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t grow up with my father. He never took care of me and I hated him because of that \u2013\u00a0so it was a lesson for me. I didn\u2019t want my children to do the same to me. When you start loving your children with your heart, you understand them more. They will open up to you, share their challenges and you\u2019ll want to help them because you\u2019re involved. I always want to do more for them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\t\t<style>\n\t\t\t#gallery-5 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-5 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 100%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-5 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-5 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-5' class='gallery galleryid-5136 gallery-columns-1 gallery-size-full'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/positivefatherhood_andre-1\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-1.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-5-5150\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-1.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-1-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-5-5150'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/positivefatherhood_andre-2\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-2.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-5-5151\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-2.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-2-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-2-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-2-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-5-5151'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/positivefatherhood_andre-3\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-3.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-5-5152\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-3.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-3-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-3-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/PositiveFatherhood_Andre-3-1024x682.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-5-5152'>\n\t\t\t\tPhoto credit: Sarah Isaacson\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n<p><strong>Andre Lewaks<\/strong>, 39 MenCare Programme Manager, Sonke Gender Justice<br \/>\n<strong>Sonia Lewaks<\/strong>, 42, Social Worker and Masters Student in Criminology<br \/>\n<strong>Shaundre,<\/strong> 8 and <strong>Andrea<\/strong>, 4<br \/>\nLives in Vredenberg, Western Cape<\/p>\n<p>He comes from a family where everything was done for him \u2013\u00a05 girls and 2 boys \u2013 he was the spoilt one.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Andre:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m from Albertinia, a town close to Mossel Bay. When I was small the boys in the family were not allowed to work, the girls would make our beds, fix our breakfast and do all other household duties. That\u2019s how it worked. Even in the evenings we were not allowed to clean up. That\u2019s just how we grew up.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes my father would be violent with my mother. And he would beat my sisters up very badly. Sometimes he would throw them on the ground. He\u2019d hit me also. Sometimes especially on Sundays when he was drunk, he\u2019d take the food my mother was preparing and throw it in the sand and we didn\u2019t have anything to eat. I would try to sort out the conflict by writing letters and putting them in his drawer. But he never responded to my letters or apologised.<\/p>\n<p>I got involved in politics and I think that turned my life [around] because I was in the leadership of the ANC Youth League and I was thinking about my future. I was in Grade 12 when I decided to study and become a social worker.<\/p>\n<p>I got my first job in Lamberts Bay and that\u2019s were things turned with my father. I invited him to visit me. I took him for a braai [barbeque] \u2013 that\u2019s my Saturday ritual. We were on the beach between the rocks and I lit a fire and we had a few beers and I started a conversation with him about when I was small, what he was doing and how it made me feel. The two of us started to cry. We hugged and he apologised to me. Then he was drinking much less and the family started to come together more often. On Saturdays my father would light a braai and my sisters would come over and we would have a few drinks together and just have fun and laugh. The ritual still happens here. We\u2019ll braai, we\u2019ll put on some music and dance together.<\/p>\n<p>Sonia struggled a little bit with me. At one stage I think I was becoming like my father. Going out after work, drinking with friends, coming back very late. I started doing a lot of work with victims of domestic violence in my previous job and I think that\u2019s when I realised, I can\u2019t do this work and not change my life. Reflecting on my father and the destructive role he had in our family, I thought I need to help other fathers.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Por Sonke Justicia de g\u00e9nero En Sud\u00e1frica, como en la mayor\u00eda de los pa\u00edses, las pol\u00edticas sociales y econ\u00f3micas siguen reflejando y reforzando el v\u00ednculo entre la paternidad y el trabajo, y la maternidad y el cuidado. Ofrecer licencias a los padres es una forma de alentar una mayor participaci\u00f3n de los hombres en el cuidado de los hijos, as\u00ed como una divisi\u00f3n m\u00e1s equitativa de las tareas dom\u00e9sticas entre los hombres.&nbsp;<a class=\"read-more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/\">\u2026<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":178,"featured_media":5154,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[510,504,195,199,517,572,394,237,238,272],"class_list":["post-5136","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-sharingthecare","tag-paid-leave","tag-parental-leave","tag-paternity-leave","tag-photography","tag-positive-fatherhood","tag-sonke","tag-sonke-gender-justice","tag-south-africa","tag-wessel-van-den-berg","countries-south-africa","initiative-the-case-for-parental-leave"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Positive Fatherhood: 5 South African couples reveal the joys \u2013 and challenges \u2013 of parenting<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Through five South African couples who reveal the joys \u2013 and challenges \u2013 of parenting, Sonke Gender Justice demonstrates the need for paternity leave.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mencare.org\/es\/positive-fatherhood-five-south-african-couples-reveal-joys-challenges-parenting\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"es_MX\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Positive Fatherhood: 5 South African couples reveal the joys \u2013 and challenges \u2013 of parenting\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Through five South African couples who reveal the joys \u2013 and challenges \u2013 of parenting, Sonke Gender Justice demonstrates the need for paternity 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